autumn body.

Last year I was working out, eating better, and living a more healthy lifestyle in general. I took it upon myself to do the exact opposite for the last six months. I am not sure if there is a psychological reason for this (self hate, won't let myself be successful, I think food makes me happy, blah blah blah...), but either way, I have not been making attempts at success. I was quite successful last fall, so I am not sure why I totally quit. It's been nearly one year since I was down the 15 pounds and my hope is that I get back on the bandwagon soon. I am looking for inspiration, but I know that what I really need is to just get my butt in gear. I think I'm about one more fat-picture-appears-on-facebook from getting started. So - here's to hoping!

If not, I can thank God that fall weather will bring on the bulky sweaters and coats.... I look way hotter in the winter.



30 Life Lessons at 30

1. I like my parents.
There was a time in high school where most people stopped liking their parents and thought they were UNCOOL. I never did, but I probably wasn't shouting from the rooftops how much I liked them... and how I always obeyed their rules.... because I was a huge nerd. I have since realized that it is because my parents are amazing people, and some people do not get great parents. My twenties changed our relationship in so many great ways, because instead of just leaning on them, they can now lean back on me. I can repay them for all their years of greatness. (and they were always cool)
 

2. Dogs are truly God's gift.
Especially to a budding relationship! Raleigh has taught me a lot about responsibility, but she also brought John and I closer. She made us a family. She brings a lot of love into our days, makes us laugh, and keeps us playful.
 

3. I am not a fixer.
When something is broken, I throw it away. When something is broken, John gets excited to fix it. Good life partner for me.
 

4. Admitting I was wrong and forgiveness - still yet to master.
I figured out in the last decade that these are key to happiness, but easier said than done. I will continue to work towards being more humble and forgiving.
 

5. There are people who want you to fail.
Do you have someone in your life who acts nice but you always feel like they secretly want you to fail? They probably do. I bet they are concerned about their own failures, and they would feel a lot better about it if they weren't alone. Moral of the story? Be cautious around this person - but also be kind, because they are hurting.
 

6. I love fall the best.
Colorful leaves, fall festivals, football all weekend, my wedding anniversary... the list goes on! Best season by far.
 

7. I chose a great partner.
John is my best friend. I am glad we took a leap five years ago.
 

8. Weight loss is possible!
 ... but you have to keep it up. If you keep off the weight for a couple months with no work, that doesn't mean it won't come back. It will. Watch out. Keep working out and eating well, or you'll have to start all over.
 

9. My book club is awesome and I love to read.
Reading has become such a big part of my life. I love checking another book off my list, and I love the quiet time to myself. Thanks to this group of girls for helping me discover a love of reading.

10. Facebook can hurt your feelings.
We all use social media to show off the best parts of our lives. That's also why it can be so hurtful. We forget that no one snaps a picture and says, "This is that day where everyone hurt my feelings and I said the wrong thing and I made a mistake and my house was dirty and my car is old and I have no goals and I ate my feelings...."
 

11. Be kind.
Period. Give respect and you will receive it.
 

12. BUT - being a bitch has its rewards too.
See the aforementioned note about kindness? Be kind, but do NOT be a doormat.
 

13. the C word.
Cancer has become a big part of my life. I will spend the rest of my years loathing this disease and supporting the best organzations I can. PLEASE NOTE: Some of the best known orgs are spending a lot of money on education and a lot less on actual research - they are also staying afloat financially because cancer exists - I am not a conspiracy theorist, but please be cautious and smart about your donations.
 

Also - If someone has lung cancer and you ask if they smoked - you are an asshole. Would you ask someone with heart disease if they have ever had a cheeseburger?
 

14. Being an aunt is awesome.
I love babies, and I love my friend's babies - but, I didn't know the expanse of my heart until I met Henry. Being an aunt before being a mom is probably going to be one of life's greatest gifts to me. It's like seeing a glimmer of what motherhood might bring me, but being able to enjoy this step first.
 

15. I am not invincible.
My twenties taught me that I won't live forever, and neither will anyone else. Our bodies are fragile, life is short, and you can't predict the future. John has battled some weird infections and ulcer issues in the last year, I learned I have Scoliosis and Arthritis (which I am sure will be a bigger part of my 30s... wah wah), doctors thought I had a tumor last year, and both John and I now have parents battling stage four cancer. Whoopee.
 

16. Grief is complicated.
Everyone responds differently. Be thoughtful.
 

17. It's okay to walk away from toxic friendships. It's okay to have just a few close friends.
Are you always walking on egg shells? Do they make you feel bad about yourself? Is it always about them? End it now. My twenties gave me the strength to let bad relationships go.
 

18. It's not always about you!
It's just not. (Boom! Mic drop!)
 

19. Don't talk to me before coffee.
This could also be re-worded as, "I am stupid before coffee," or "I am a bitch before coffee." Basically, just give me coffee.
 

20. I am who I am - and I'm an ENFJ.
Do you take personality tests? (maybe just nerdy Psych majors like me do?) I am an ENFJ (Extrovert-Intuitive-Feeling-Judging) on the Myers-Briggs test, and a 2 or 7 in the Enneagram test (Helper/Enthusiast). John is an ESTP. Mine says, "Warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. Finds potential in everyone. Highly attuned to the motivations of others" - and John's says, "they want to act energetically to solve the problem. Focus on the here-and-now, spontaneous, enjoy each moment that they can be active with others. Learn best through doing."  See your explanations here.
 

21. Food is fun!
I like restaurants, cooking at home, the food network, cookbooks, tv shows like Top Chef.... basically, you should feed me, and I will love you forever. (Also see #19.)

22. Men may need cleaning awards.
Okay. I really thought all the sitcoms were just an exaggeration of male/female relationships, but they are true. I could clean the whole kitchen, do laundry, cook dinner - all while bouncing on one foot - and he'd still need a lot of gratitude for taking out a bag of trash. (Where is my cheerleader?) I have recently decided that if men need an award for cleaning - fine. We all have our love languages and talents and needs. Fine.
 

23. Online dating can lead to marriage.
Yes. We met online. I am mostly okay with admitting it - and definitely not ashamed - but sometimes I just want to say, "We were set up." Especially to strangers.
 

24. You better like your work.
If you are just starting out, you probably haven't realized it yet - you will spend more hours at work each week than hours doing anything else. So, find something you like, invest in relationships at work that will make it a fun place to be, and motivate yourself to not only enjoy your work but exceed your own expectations. The bitterness from not liking your job or not doing it well can eat you alive.
 

25. Gratefulness
When I feel the twinge of jealousy, I always remind myself that there is someone out there that wants something I have. Be grateful.
 

26. Half Full
I am an optimist. I have to be. I thrive on happy, and I truly believe that things work out. I think one secret is empathy. The saddest people I see are the ones who cannot see life from other perspectives, so they are always making assumptions and making everything personal. Look on the bright side - or look more closely!
 

27. "Secrets don't make friends."
Remember smart-mouthing that phrase at recess? Well, it is true. If you talk crap every time your friend is missing, chances are they do the same when you are missing. Be a good friend, be honest, and have each other's back.
 

28. Be at peace with God.
It was easy to look to God as a young person. I knew no sadness, no true grief. Learning to trust God even through life's greatest sadnesses has opened me up to a new spiritual relationship. Doubting and anger made me stronger. (On a side note - Kari Jobe has become the voice of reason on many sad days. Have a bad day? Listen to this song and feel some solace.)
 

29. Adults never had it all figured out!
Remember when you were little and you thought adults knew everything? I kept thinking I would stumble upon a moment of enlightenment in my twenties and receive my adulthood membership card... instead, I realized that everyone is just doing their best and no one has the answers. "Fake it to make it" - that is adulthood. Phew.
 

30. The best is yet to come!
I am excited to enter a new decade. I will do so with an open heart!



#fridayweighin | mental block

I need to get out of my own head if I am going to get back into the groove of weight loss. I was so aware of needing to eat less calories this week that I simply went around hANGRY all week. I wanted food. Now. Right Now. Must have it. I have got to get about of my own head and relax. I need to get on the bike or walk the dog EVERY DAY. I need to meal plan and not allow bad snacks in the house. It's that simple.

Today, while I #GoRed For Women's heart health, I will also be writing up a meal plan for the coming weeks and going grocery shopping. I just need to get organized about my weight loss, the way I would for work. Hello, lists! I love lists.

 

#fridayweighin | whoopsies.

Well, crap. This is pretty much my worst week yet.

Even with all the exercise I re-introduced to my body...

I pretty much feel like a failure today.

All my hard work from this fall looks like it was for nothing.

BUT - It's not all negative.

This just drives me to try, try again.

I have simply been eating my feelings during a stressful week...

That stops today.

 

Pounds lost to date: 6.5 pounds

Goal weight: -20 pounds

starting over.

Okay. I am starting over with the weight loss blogging. Obviously, weighing in weekly and keep yourself accountable to a blog makes you work harder. When I stopped blogging, I stopped losing weight. Today I am going to start a weekly weigh in on Fridays.

When I started all this, I was at my heaviest - and even though my heaviest might be lower than someone else's heaviest, we all know what that number feels like... that number you've never seen before... and it keeps going up and up over time... and my weight is going back in that direction... basically, I need to get back on the horse.

Pounds lost to date: 8 pounds

Goal to lose: 20 pounds

week 16 - a weight loss check up

So... I took six weeks off from my weight loss blogging. Did you miss it? haha.

I wanted to check in today, because I want to continue to hold myself accountable. I worked very hard in those 10 weeks to lose weight and I don't want to go back. I want to move forward and continue losing - even with holidays approaching! This morning, I am currently at 8.9 pounds down.

Yes, I know that is four pounds gained back, but honestly this is one of my heavier mornings - and just days after Thanksgiving! Most mornings I have been around 10 pounds down. I am stunned that with no calorie counting, I have been able to maintain the weight loss (for the most part). The secret? I think I am more aware, in general, about what I eat and what it means to my body. Also, I haven't stopped working out. I have gone from seven days a week to probably three or four, but I didn't stop.

Some advice and findings:

• I used LoseIt to lose the weight. It is an app, but it can also be accessed online. I think using something like this is perfect because it makes you aware of every single thing you put in your body. This app made calorie counting a breeze. The barcode scanner made it easy and fast.
• Plateaus are to be expected. Keep at it and switch things up. The pounds will continue to fall off.
• Working out feels GOOD. I feel stronger and more stable after a good work out. With the stresses in my life, it is often a welcome solace in my day - helping me relax and sleep better too.
• Increased water consumption turned out to be a big help. Not only did the increase curb some of my hunger, but it helped me out of my worst plateau. Many recommend drinking half your weight in ounces - and I read you should increase it by 50% during weight loss. I got a 24 ounce bottle that has notches on the side to calculate how many bottles you have drank. I tried to drink five each day. (Yes, you will pee a lot.) (Yes, you can also figure out my weight now, if you are a smarty pants.)
• Do not report to yourself (or the public) on Mondays. Worst idea ever, Paige. No matter how hard I worked all week, Monday always seemed to be the worst number because of the weekend. I would suggest Thursdays.
• Get a nice, new scale BEFORE you begin. Not in the middle.

week ten: the final push

My appointment is on Thursday - so, my intense weight loss journey ends. I did not reach my doctor's goal of 20 pounds in 10 weeks, but I am down 12.5 pounds this morning - and, I am really proud of that number. I am not going to quit the weigh loss plan entirely, but I plan to ease up on the severity. Who can live up to 1,050 net calories a day long term?! No one. That's because it's ridiculous.

BingeFest 2012 begins Thursday evening. I have a list of places I want to eat at over the weekend. (this is the least inspiring thing I have typed in the last 10 weeks, but it is true.) I plan to visit Grinders for John (who needs his pizza fix) and my favorite Indian buffet with the parents. I will be attending a wedding shower and a housewarming party, and to top it off in style, I will eat whatever my heart desires at Maple Leaf Festival on Sunday (hellooooo funnel cakes and turkey legs!)

Then, I will start again on Monday. The new plan aims for 10 pounds by Christmas, with 1550 calories a day. Hallelujah. I love my daily exercises too, so those will stay. They make me feel really great about myself and my strength. Also, I bought skinny jeans two sizes down over the weekend. Holler!

Oh yeah, remember that other thing I did to get healthy? I survived that too. Two months.

week nine: manic monday

Monday's visit to the scale was bad. Not just bad - shocking. I do know I went over on calories all weekend, but I wasn't going over in excess... just being more lax. I thought after 10 pounds it would be okay. I had been 10 pounds every day for 11 days too. I didn't think I would wake up on Monday morning FOUR POUNDS heavier. So - I gave myself to Wednesday to post on the blog. Lucky me, though, not only did it fall right back off, but I hit 11 pounds down this morning. Woot!

My advice to future weight loss bloggers? Do not report on Monday mornings.
(Also, don't forget fiber and fluids.)

week eight: ten pounds & one year

Today's a wonderful day for a couple reasons. I am happy to report that I finally hit ten pounds last week, which felt really great. Today I am officially 10.1 pounds down. Still a couple weeks behind where I need to be, but nevertheless good news.

Also, today marks my one year wedding anniversary. And what a wild year it has been! The truth is, our year was very challenging, but not the way people would expect. Everyone tells you the first year is the hardest - but, it wasn't our marriage that made this year hard - it was the crap ton of health issues that affected us, our family, and our friends. Thank goodness for John, actually. The year would have been a lot harder alone. I am glad to have a partner in all this, and I am glad it is John. Last night we talked about how fun our wedding was and then about the challenges of the year. We prayed together that our second year would look different.

We had a great weekend - we saw Ben Folds Five on Friday, walked around Loose Park and the Liberty Memorial on Saturday, went to our favorite Japanese steakhouse, and saw a movie. Happy Anniversary to us.
 

week seven: not a blame game

wah wah.

My body hates me.

I worked harder this week than any other week.

And yet, I can only report that I am eight pounds down.
Yes, that is one pound up from last week.

 (and, honestly, a huge shock this morning.)

 

I could blame it on the Plum Thicket fried chicken special last week with my grandparents,

but I could also agrue I worked it off.

I could blame it on one too many drinks around the fire pit on Saturday,

but the girl time with old friends was good for my soul.

I could blame it on my left knee hurting and keeping me away from Jillian,

but the truth is I still cut a ton of calories this week.

I could blame it on the time of the month and being a bloaty mess...

but, I don't want to be full of excuses.
It is what it is, and I want to be honest.

I have been flirting with ten pounds for three weeks now.

I am now officially three weeks behind my schedule.

...but, I fit in those college jeans over the weekend.

Truth is, I feel great.

Too great to feel too sad about my number today.
I know sad. This isn't it.

 

week six: second nature

Life feels different.
I plan my days around exercise and food.
I do Jillian's 30 Day Shred, take walks with Raleigh & Nate, and use the stationary bike.
Last week I added private dance party at Becky's suggestion.
The stationary bike is for the nights I am struggling the most, because I take my ipod.
I love losing myself in music.

I really hate that food is ruling my life right now.
I always hoped I would find a way to make my love for food take a back seat...
I really like food. I like to talk about how it tastes, and if it's good, and how you made it.
I like looking at recipes, and watching Top Chef, and tasting as I cook.
But, this is how I have chosen to loose the weight, and it is working.
When this calorie counting is over, I am looking forward to being aware,
but not obsessed.

The good news is, I passed the plateau. This one officially lasted 16 days.
One morning I just woke up three pounds lighter.
Today I am 9 pounds down.
Thank goodness, because I was working so hard.
I am going to attribute this to drinking more water.
I found out you should be drinking 50% more water during weight loss.
John got me a new, pretty water bottle and voila.

Let's pretend you don't see plateau number three starting...

 

 

week five: thirteen long days

I have been working out. A lot.

I exercised every single day last week, and I kept my net calories under each day.
I didn't get to eat most of the food at my sister's baby shower, even thought I made it all.

And, I attended a family reunion pot luck yesterday (with lots of desserts).

I started Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred.

I used the stationary bike, and I made myself pick the harder levels.

I took the dog for long walks, and even tried little 30 second running spurts.

I worked off more calories last week than the first and third week combined.

But, I am up .2 pounds from my last check in.
As of this morning I am down 6 pounds.

There was a day last week when I was down SEVEN, but today is the offical weigh in...

and by this Thursday I am supposed to be down TEN.

I have been stuck fluctuating around the same weight for 13 days.

Thirteen awful days of the same thing.

I would like to blame it on the new fancy scale,

but I don't want to be full of excuses.

 

Any knowlege about the extended plateau?

Advise a girl.

week four: you can call it a syndrome

My Nuero Opthamologist called me plump.
My NEW doctor, that I had never met, called me plump.

He called me plump in front of four medical students.

Three attractive young men about my age, and one sweet, young Indian woman.

She cupped my face romantically when she looked into my eyes.

(I thought she was going to run her fingers through my hair next.)
They all wanted to look into my eyes.

There was something cool to see, but I don't know what it was.
When they told me my possible diagnosis, I thought they said Super Tumor Celebrity.

I knew celebrity was wrong, so when I told my mom I said blah blah blah.

Actually, I said "I have super tumor blah blah blah."

My eyes were too dialated to see what the name was on my piece of paper.
(They were probably too dialated to be driving too.)

It is actually not a super tumor.

(thank God.)

It's Pseudotumor Cerebri.

I wish I had heard that one right.

BIG difference between a SUPER and a PSEUDO tumor.

One is a tumor, and one thinks its funny to pretend to be a tumor.

Oh yeah - back to being fat.

So, the definition of Pseudotumor Cerebri says you should be a young, fat woman.

I am not sure why losing weight can get rid of this disease, but my doc thinks it can.

Yeah, I said disease.

I asked him, "Whoa! I have a disease?"

He responds, "You can call it a syndrome if you like."

Today I am not plump. I am down 6.2 pounds.
And this weekend, Jared told me I had 21 year old hips.
 (...when I was showing him my hot Gangnam Style moves.)

 

weight loss confessions

Today marks three weeks since I was told to lose weight, and 18 days since I decided to rid my life of other bad habits. I thought that in honor of feeling like I am over the "hump," I would confess some things to anyone out there that is reading my rants. 

• The first time I got my calories all wrong and went over INTO THE RED was on day five. John was taking a shower, so I grabbed a bag of Doritos and went to town. In the midst of all the pandemonium of that week's episode of Bachelor Pad, I got lost in that bag of Doritos. Lesson? You cannot lie to your dieting app or to your husband when he finds you all elbow deep in fake cheese.
• One day last week John came home with a drink from Krisy Kreme. He tried to say that he just stopped to get a coke... but the proof was in his beard. Needless to say, said beard is gone now, and I have to admit that I have wondered if it is so he can't get caught "not supporting me."

I was thinking that I should have taken a "before" picture; however, after reviewing tagged photos on Facebook it looks like I happened to have two full body shots of me taken the week before I started all this. The first is perfect, because you can see me positioned next to all my skinny gal pals (I am on the far left), and the second is great because hula hooping doesn't allow for "sucking the tummy in" like I did the rest of the day I wore that shirt.

BEFORE

week three: the first plateau

The plateau. That's where I am at. I need a motivational speaker.

 

 

Each day is a dot. Look at those last six dots. Boo.

 

On the bright side, I am still on track: 4.4 pounds down. I need to be six down by Thursday. I think it will still happen, but the last six days have been pretty lackluster for all the work I am doing.

 

week two: statistics

 I am down 3.6 pounds as of this morning!

Net Calories:


Weight Loss:

God is Faithful

I am a super hero. You should look at me with great reverence, for I am a bad ass. I might be an emotional wreck, I might be losing my damn mind, I might be ultra-sensitive, and I might be running my mouth straight into a deep hole with each conversation I have... but, I am the champion. Well, at least for three days - for three days I have have been the definition of will power.

I have written about addiction for many years, because it is close to home. What's strange about it, is that I have an understanding of it myself. No, I don't use illicit drugs and I am not an alcoholic, but I have my own vices. One in particular that I unabashedly love. I understand the deep pull that certain things can have on you - deep into your soul - attached to all that you are - however unexplainable. And, even if it is wrong, we all have things we need to let go of that we don't want to. If you know me in real life, you probably know what I am talking about. Please let me be ambiguous about this.

After the doctor visit last week, I decided if I was going to be in calorie counting hell, I might as well change my whole life for the healthier.

Probably you should just avoid me like the plague this week. Last night a text rolled in that was like "are you going crazy yet?" - I almost cut a b*tch. I really wanted to eat-my-feelings last night after that one... not to mention a related comment from said texter's spouse over the weekend... but, I digress. Not everyone thinks about the weight of their words, and I am surely guilty of that too.

Remember that one time I was asked to get off a plane because I was a fatty? Not in 10 weeks.When I roll into my doctor's office, I will be an inspirational, rock star. Oprah and I are already have the whole ENFJ thing in common, but now she'll have to get me my own show on her network.

No temptation has overtaken you that is unusual for human beings. But God is faithful, and he will not allow you to be tempted beyond your strength. Instead, along with the temptation he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to endure it.

1 Corinthians 10:13

week one: getting started

I am to keep my net calories under 1254 (calorie intake minus exercised off calories).

I blame that red on Krista's birthday.



this is not spinal tap.

I guess I should have specified... The weight loss instructions are not my doc telling me to lose weight for the sake of losing weight. I think the medical community would agree that 20 pounds in 10 weeks is unhealthy. In fact, both calorie counting apps I added to my phone won't even allow the goal. They both of told me it is unhealthy.

I have known for a couple months that something was wrong with my optic nerve. At my last eye doctor visit, it didn't look right. Yesterday, my neurologist decided on a possible diagnosis. There are two ways to end it - spinal tap that releases fluid surrounding my optic nerve, or lose a significant amount of weight. We're blowing off the spinal tap for two months, hoping that quick and significant weight loss can eliminate this issue. If my scan is awesome in October, no spinal tap. Holla!!



Net calories allowed per day = 1,254
(calories taken in minus calories burned)


Day 1: Ate well, went swimming, took a 40 minute walk - Net calories: 994
Day 2: Started calorie counting app, already planned what to order at dinner tonight

lose yourself

Did my doctor just tell me to lose 20 pounds by October 18?

Heck yes, he did.

Ten weeks to lose 20 pounds.

I have a feeling I just found something to blog about.