therefore be at peace

Last year my resolution was about living my life to the fullest each day and loving everyone to the best of my abilities. I was coming off of a wedding high, and I was grieving the return of my dad's cancer. Last year, I was simply grateful for my friends and family and planned to spend 2012 holding them tight. I didn't know then what the year would bring, and I couldn't have guessed! It brought a number of weird health issues for John and I (which are being resolved and dealt with), and it also brought me my first nephew. I didn't know the expanse of my heart until I looked at him. Who knew? I seriously find myself just staring at pictures on my phone when I am not with him. He is the most perfect baby, no?

Strangely, I did not begin 2012 thinking it would be the year I got healthy, but it was! I was never one to have a cliche weight loss goal on January 1. I honestly liked the way I looked and liked Taco Bell, so I was cool. But, health issues brought me to the light... and here I am, beginning 2013 lighter and healthier.

This year, I do not plan to guess what life will bring me.
I will enter it faithfully and fearfully.
Like many others, I too want to pick a word for 2013 - peace.
 

merry and bright!

December is winding down, and Christmas is on its way... and I am ready to be fearlessly excited about the holiday. Today is my life, and I am going to live it with faith and joy.

I was reminded about how good this world is on Wednesday night when the woman ahead of me in the drive-through bought my dinner. You should have seen the beaming smile of the woman in the drive-through window as she told me, "No charge! The woman ahead of you paid for your dinner! Merry Christmas! Aren't people just great?!?!" Indeed, they are. Great. So is this world. Last week we all saw the sadness and pain that is possible too, but that doesn't mean our world is not without great joy.

My Christmas wish for all who read this is to

slow down - take it in - savor the season - live today - don't wait for tomorrow.

This season is about family, and the excitement of the coming Savior.
A celebration of life!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all.
May your days be truly merry and bright.

See you on the flip side,

paige.

the most wonderful time of the year?

How sad is it that I have begun to dread November and December? I feel like holding my breath, crossing my fingers, and closing my eyes until Christmas. These months have brought the greatest pain to me and my family over the last five years. Each November and/or December has brought serious challenges for my family - surgeries, job loss, cancer diagnosis, death, addiction-related conflict, etc... It's no wonder that I go into a winter coma each year, and my friends have to drag me out of my funk come Spring.

I had hoped that 2012 would be different, but I am sad to say that it's more of the same. We recently learned that John's mom has cancer. Unfortunately, this is not an unfamiliar road for John. He lost his father to cancer when he was a teenager. His mom will begin six weeks of radiation and chemotherapy starting next week - Monday through Friday, right through the holidays.

Since my last post about my Dad, he has stopped working and became a grandfather. To say he is doing better is the understatement of the century! We were also happy with the results of his recent scan.
 

Cancer is not the c-word you are accustomed to hearing about this time of year, but cancer knows no boundaries. This disease really creates a loneliness that can't be explained - and for many, is probably exaggerated around the holidays. Loneliness for those afflicted, and for their caregivers and loved ones too. It doesn't matter how loved you are or how great your support system is, people do back off when someone gets cancer. Sometimes, it's just too heavy. Sometimes I think people are afraid the bad news will rub off on them.

In the last months, my Dad has found great peace, community, and comfort at Gilda's Club. Gilda's Club aims to build community, "so that no one faces cancer alone." The mission of Gilda's Club Kansas City is to ensure that all people impacted by cancer are empowered by knowledge, strengthened by action, and sustained by community.

Many people ask me how they can help our family, and this is one way. If you are looking to make a donation during this holiday season, please consider giving to Gilda's Club.

the danger of a single story

I recently came across this Ted Talk called "The Danger of a Single Story." I think everyone should watch it. Adichie talks about how we all make decisions about people and cultures based on small bits of information, either true or false. She is a great speaker - very funny - and it is really worth your time!

Our lives, our cultures, are composed of many overlapping stories. Novelist Chimamanda Adichie tells the story of how she found her authentic cultural voice -- and warns that if we hear only a single story about another person or country, we risk a critical misunderstanding.

darkness has a hunger

Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket

I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it,
I'm crawling on your shore.

There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

those indigo girls really know what's up.

not a new years resolution.

This year I will find joy in the simple things.
I will take one day at a time, and not take it for granted.
I will find the happy - wherever I can.
I will tell people I love them...
but, NOT because it's January. Because I must.

You are a child of the universe,

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

West Heights

I was really lucky as a young person to travel each summer with my church's youth group to various places in the U.S. and put on worship services along the way. This year is the 25th anniversary of Worship Caravan - and I was again lucky enough to head back to Wichita to be a part of the celebration. It was great to see familiar faces and new faces... how we have changed, and how we are all still the same. I was overwhelmed... and it was a nice reminder of how much I am still seeking a similiar church family in KC.

It takes a village... and West Heights UMC was mine.

The circle is growing...

.

The first year I went on Worship Caravan was 1995. The girl standing next to Lisa was born in 1998. Ann told the congregation we were pushing thirty. When our pictures went by during the photo montage... the girl next to me said "That must've been the 80s!" Oh goodness... Life sure does fly by!

refresh.

And so it is, we are in charge of our own lives. It is very easy to blame the things you don't do and the decisions unmade on circumstance; however, I am beginning this new year with a fresh outlook. I am in charge of this minute, this day, this year... and I can choose to live it better.

I have long felt a desire to make some healthy changes in my life. This is the reason I made my 101 in 1,001 list back in November and the reason I planned to blog about it in order to keep myself accountable for these accomplishments. Already I am feeling confident and determined about some upcoming challenges. I have my list, I have some ideas for motivation and I have great support around me.

Feeling like some of my friendships have changed as I have grown, a dear friend told me this today: "Take control of your activities and your friendships and be happy with what you do - and I PROMISE that the friendships you put your time into will CONTINUE to reward you back." Not only to I plan to take more control of my personal choices, but also control over who I spend my time with and invest my time in.

I look forward to a year of new photos, new stories, new memories.

Desiderata

I read this poem often, like a daily devotion... it reminds me to be grateful, humble and confident. It seems like a nice way to begin my blog. A way of introducing myself. This poem has been taped up on the wall in my office for years. I take new things from it each time I read it. I hope it will bring some joy, peace and explanation to your day.