the lactivist.

Tired of my labor and delivery posts? Sorry! There is so much to say!

Breastfeeding was something that I expected to be easy. For my mother and sister, it was - so, I assumed it would be for me... I actually didn't realize until day two that I had a "problem"... specifically when a lactation consultant came in and told me I had one. (gulp. that was hard to hear.) I thought we were just having some latching issues, because he always eventually ate.

After our first feeding with her there, this same woman laid into me about my priorities! She told me she wanted to come back to observe my next feeding in 45 minutes. Knowing I had family on the way to the hospital AND wanted a shower, I suggested she come back in one hour. She told me, "I am going to tell you this, and it is going to sound harsh. Starting now, this baby and feeding him come before anything. You need to start putting his needs before your own starting today. You can't put anything before his feeding schedule." I was like - WHOA, LADY! Do I look like I am a character from TEEN MOM? I have been letting you grab my boobs for over an HOUR and say things to me like "nipple sandwich" and tell me how wrong I am doing EVERYTHING, and you are going to GUILT TRIP me NOW? Her damn "plan" for me was an hour and a half process of breastfeeding awkwardly with a nipple shield and pumping after each feeding that I had to start over every two hours... so, yeah... 30 minutes between feedings 24 hours a day... that was her brilliant plan... for my LIFE... because breastfeeding would apparently get me closer to God or something... (formula is the devil, don't you know?) (please read the sarcasm there...) Oh yeah, and her plan included John joining for every single feeding to support my wrist this way and press my boob that way... yeah right. Sorry, BRENDA, I don't know what planet you are from...

The next day a much more loving, gentle lactation consultant came in and lifted my spirits. She was encouraging, thoughtful, and she talked to me about what I was comfortable with and helped me come up with a realistic plan for my real life. Bless her - She is probably the sole reason Ben receives breastmilk.

In the end, I decided to exclusively pump. That is working well for us! I wish I had known that so many women struggle with this. I also wish I had been prepared for the crazy lactivists...

labor plans...

Benjamin's birth did not go quite as planned, obviously. But, the part that was the hardest for me was that I had a reaction to the pain medications - they made me hallucinate and then I had trouble staying alert during the actual birth. That was really hard for me, because I had elaborate plans in my head for how I would keep people up to date during my labor, how I would greet my baby, pictures that would take, people I would tell first, how I would tell them, etc. All of that went out the window!


After midnight, I didn't contact anyone because I was so out of it. In fact, I remember coming out of my fog in the morning and telling John to call my mom because I knew she would be worried. I never had any beautiful photos of me and Ben in the hospital... in fact I barely have any now!


I had a list written out of all the people I wanted contacted first when the baby was born. Because I was coming in and out of crazy-land (I don't recommend anyone ever take Stadol...), I pointed out the list to John and asked him to send the texts. I found out later that he only sent messages to about ten names on the piece of paper because it was folded up in fourths. Seriously. There were probably 40-50 names on the list, and only ten or so got messages! Did you get one? Lucky you! I had the piece of paper clipped to my planner, and your name was on the side that was facing out! haha... It took me days to figure all this out. No family received texts, most of my friends received messages from my sister, and many learned on Facebook. My apologies if you fall in this category. I had no idea, and that was not my intention.


I think the part that was the hardest was not being alert when Benjamin joined us. I was emotional about it then and for quite a few days after. I was so helpless and couldn't keep my eyes open... I felt awful. Mother's guilt straight from the get!


I guess most women probably have their world rocked and end up in a labor scenario that wasn't exactly as they planned! I know that this is minor when it comes to surprises during labor, but for me, it felt like "everything" at the time.

Benjamin Craig

Well, he joined us almost a month ago and I am JUST now thinking about updating my blog! That shows you how busy life has been! I barely check my email, texts, facebook... what day is it anyway?!

In the last week, Benjamin has been allowing me some longer periods of rest, so I am functioning at a higher level, lol. No, really. Thank goodness this chunker keeps putting on weight and drinking big 'ol bottles before bed! My sleep should just get better and better.

Ben's arrival wasn't exactly as expected. I scheduled an induction, but ended up at the hospital that night in labor. I was contracting 3 minutes apart when we arrived at our scheduled time for induction... haha. We laughed that we would have arrived that the same time, even if we had never scheduled the induction. I guess we had intuition about the start of our labor??

I labored hard over night. I remember thinking that John needed his sleep, so I tried to keep quiet as the contractions worsened. I kept thinking I would wake him when it got worse... (I should have woken him up!) The nurse kept coming in and finding no progress with me... she kept turning me into these weird positions and my back and hip would pain from holding that position for the upcoming hour while she monitored me.  Turns out that our little one was having heart rate decelerations during each contraction. The nurse was getting worried.

By morning, I was having contractions one on top of the other without any break, but still no dialating! They were getting worried about his position, which they were determining might be not exactly head down... more of an angle into my hip...

I was given an epidural in the morning, followed by a bunch of doctors and nurses being brought in to give their opinions.... everyone was starting to look concerned, and I knew that a C-section was going to be brought up. I just knew it... when my water broke and it was full of meconium, that seemed to settle it for the entire team.

In the end, he came via C-section. The experience was not what I expected, and the recovery was much harder than anticipated, but he arrived healthy, and that was all that mattered.

The best part was hearing John yell out, "It's a boy!" What a crazy feeling to finally know! It felt so surreal.

Benjamin arrived on June 22nd and has been keeping us on our toes ever since!
7 lb, 7 oz and 20 inches long.
We've never been happier.
Named for the best man I never knew,
so you know,
he'll be a great man too.

40+

Well, you can welcome me to the 40+ weeks club! I always thought I would be here, especially if you take a look at all the women in my family... but, I had hope! You spend nine months counting down to a date, and then the date passes. Wah Wah. I know it is not much longer, but the anticipation is killing me. I didn't take my 40 week photo. I wasn't that excited, haha... I just want to meet this baby. Now. I have enjoyed this season of my life, and now I am ready for the next!

39 weeks: a waiting game

And now we wait... what a strange place to be in! So much about to change, yet I have no control. Today I am 39 weeks, 3 days. Some of my expectations were changed this morning at my doctor appointment when I realized how much longer it really could be and how many choices I will make in the coming week(s). I really don't want to get to that 41 week appointment and have to schedule a nonstress test and ultrasound... I just want to go into labor naturally before then.

I did see that this Friday is a full moon, and we have four more storm systems coming through in the next week... so I am hoping for a nudge from mother nature! If we do make it to the 41 week mark, we are moving into another astrological sign... not that I even know the distinct differences, but I know that I often fit the bill for my own sign!

I am a creature of expectations, and I like to control outcomes... so, this is a bit hard for me. BUT, I am trying to enjoy these last days as a couple. We've been trying to do something fun each night... like getting ice cream, or eating out... just doing something spontaneous.

I also found out this morning at work that I can change to half-days next week, if I would like to, without losing any time off of my official maternity leave. (Lucky me, I have 8 years of sick days built up!) That brings some comfort too. It'll be nice to know I have the option.

39 weeks

38 Weeks: Baby Month!

Weeks: 38 weeks

Weight gain: 23 pounds

Weird Pregnancy Things: Heartburn. Sleeping. Sleeping with heartburn... that's pretty much the problem. At least I can see the end in sight.

What we've been up to: Cleaning! Vacuuming blinds; cleaning out the pantry and deep freeze; taking everything out of the closet, cleaning said closet, and putting everything back... you know, the important things to do before a baby comes.... I feel like it is completely out of my control how illogical I am about the cleaning that needs to be done before baby arrives.

Love this comparison - 28 weeks vs. 38 weeks.
I don't think there is anything "dropped" looking about this baby.
I think we'll be here for a while...

John made these adorable curtain holdbacks!

 

 

babies n' murals, part III

36 Weeks: Overheated

 

Weeks: 36 weeks

Weight gain: 20 pounds

Weird Pregnancy Things: Not really weird, but I finally have stretch marks.... sadness. I was thinking that I had maybe lucked out? No such. They grow in numbers, color, and size each day. Boo. Other than that, I am just hot. Even last week when we got the freak 60 degree weather in Kansas City, I was hot.

What we've been up to: My birthday was over the weekend, my office is throwing a baby shower tomorrow, and John turns 30 on Thursday! Busy week. I am taking extra vacation this week to give myself a five day weekend, and then there are just three weeks of work left!

Week 35 photos:



strangers and pregnancy

People say weird things to pregnant women. I had always heard this, but it has been interesting to experience this first hand. Since I am kind of obsessed with people and their weird behaviors, it has made for some funny stories... Last week, I was stepping off the elevator and a woman looks me in the eye, looks at the bump, and then brings her eyes back up to mine and says, "Whoa!" ... really? Did you just 'whoa' me? Have you never seen a pregnant woman? Pretty funny reaction.

One night recently, John and I called in an order for pizza to our neighborhood restaurant. They were running a little behind, so I had to wait in the lobby for a bit before they brought out our order. Every single person that came in to the restaurant after me checked out the bump and then quickly told me to, "go ahead" - "you were here first." LOL. I kept inching further away from the register, but everyone who came in was very concerned about getting in the way of the pregnant lady and her dinner... at one point the other lady who was waiting with me just starting cracking up.

At Lowes this weekend, I could see the next crazy comment coming from a mile away... crazy old man with train conductor overalls, tatooed sleeves, and a beard to his belly... staring at the bump... inching down the aisle... I kept trying to avoid eye contact. I didn't care what he had to say. I didn't want to hear it. He stopped right in front of me and said, "Best thing you'll ever do." He shook his head with a big smile, and wished me luck. He was so sincere, and I was so rude in avoiding his approach... I started crying right there on the spot. This is exactly what Pastor Nanette talked about at my Dad's funeral. He never knew a stranger - he made friends with anyone - he had his "bus buddies." It was as if it was him who had walked by.

I was overwhelmed with emotion.

People are good. Even though pregnancy brings out the WEIRDEST behavior in people - people are still good. And maybe they just want to wish me the best.. and instead they become uncomfortable and end up telling me that I look huge or ask me something really personal, like if I'll continue working... but, maybe they just want to talk to the pregnant girl, because it reminds them of an exciting and hopeful time in their own life. I imagine I will also cling to these memories and look back with joy.

just add baby!

 

besties throw a shower

Thanks to these girls for throwing me a shower last weekend...
and for being my rock during this hard season of my life.

I am very blessed.

 34 weeks! Six weeks to go!
 

34 Weeks: six weeks to go!

 

Look at THAT change! Two weeks made a big difference!

 

Weeks: 34 weeks

Weight gain: 17 pounds

Fruit baby: Butternut Squash!

Weird Pregnancy Things: Sleeping has become difficult - I mean REALLY difficult - like, it doesn't really happen. I have a baby groovin' all night, heartburn chocking me, strange insomnia, wacky dreams... it adds up to a very tired girl. I am trying everything I can to be creative, but I might end up sleeping in the recliner for the remainder of the pregnancy if this keeps up.

What we've been up to: This weekend my dear friends threw us a really fun baby shower. It was a couples shower, we spent the day outside, and the weather was beautiful - yummy food, great friends, and one very spoiled baby! The highlight was the "game" we played... the boys were forced to assemble and disassemble a pack-n-play while we taunted and timed them! It was very entertaining.

It has also been a stressful couple weeks.
Please say a prayer for John's mother as she courageously continues to battle cancer.

 

31 weeks!

 

 

32 weeks!

 

33 weeks!

31 Weeks: The countdown begins!

 

 

Weeks along: 31 weeks

Weight gain: 15 pounds

Fruit baby: Stalk of Celery - 3.5 pounds, 16 inches

Weird Pregnancy Things: Well, I have welcome a new host of strange ailments and issues in the last five weeks! My last blood test showed that I was anemic, so I am now taking Iron daily. I am also dealing with numbness in my hands and calf aches in the middle of the night, and some carpal tunnel like pain during the day. Mostly, I am losing energy by the day! Sometimes standing up or rolling out of bed feel like a chore - like something I have to gear-up for!

What we've been up to: We took a baby class when I was 28 weeks along. John has officially changed a diaper! It may have been a fake baby, but he did it. He also has mastered bathing a baby that doesn't cry or move.

 

At 30 weeks, my sister and cousins threw me a baby shower for family and close friends of my mom. It was a beautiful day, and we had a great time. I am so thankful to have so many loving, supportive women in my life.

 

That same weekend, John and I toured the hospital we'll be delivering at!

 

Carrying high much? Here I am at 28 weeks.

 

On my way to the baby shower at 30 weeks.

 

 

Baby shower!

 

 

 

goodbye second trimester: 26 weeks

Finishing up the second trimester!

Weeks along: 26 weeks

Weight gain: 10 pounds

Fruit baby: Junebug is the size of a head of lettuce. Approximately two pounds and 14 inches long!

Random: This dear little babe is sitting on a nerve, and now everytime I stand for longer than 10 minutes, the outside of my left thigh goes numb. It is very WEIRD! I will smack and scratch at my leg, and feel nothing - it creeps me out every time! The only way I can get it to stop is to sit down. Obviously, you can't do that in the middle of a grocery store visit or at a networking event for work... so, sometimes I just deal with the creepy, numb leg.

Are we ready for baby?We have great lead on a daycare (!), and we are planning to finalize our registry tonight because invites are going out for my first baby shower! Thanks for all your great comments and suggestions last week about what you think is most important for baby! The messages were really helpful and encouraging.

The room has come a long way in the last month! John has been really focused on projects that make the room feel personal and comfortable. He painted my old dresser, got new fixtures, made a cushion for my rocking chair, made an ottoman that doubles as storage, and updated an old lamp! There is also that awesome sock squirrel he made...

(The yellows are the same, I just used different filters for each photo -
the photo on the bottom is more true to life.)

feeling behind - help me prepare for this baby!

Dear Interwebs,

I am really behind.
I spend November and December focused on the holidays, and decided January was baby time...
That was when I planned to get started.
And then the shit hit the fan.

I would love to hear from anyone about any type of baby-related recommendations.
daycares in northern Johnson County (eek! I know. I can't believe I still haven't done this!)...
favorite baby items....
must haves...
NON-must haves...
budget suggestions...
brands...

Hello! This is my first, so I need some help.
Recommend.
Now.
Ready, Go!

ooo baby I love your way: 23 weeks

Obviously the last few weeks have not been joyful,

but the thought of new life brings hope

and gives us all something to look forward to.

 

 

Weeks along: 23 weeks

Weight gain: 6 pounds

Fruit baby: Eggplant
Last week the baby was a spaghetti squash, which sounds much larger...

Cravings: meh.

Random: Baby names chosen! The girl name has been something we've talked about for years, but the middle name came to us in the last couple months. The boy name was chosen randomly last week. We both just thought it sounded right. After my dad's funeral last week, the family put boy names in a hat. My cousin's daughter Peyton's suggested name was chosen first - Jacob. Hopefully she forgets she won, because that is not the name! Paul's suggestion was my favorite - Ronald McJonathan. Our choice came out of nowhere, on a quiet drive to my parent's house.

baby love: 19 weeks

So far, I love being pregnant.

I love the vivid, strange dreams.

I don't mind the heightened emotions.

I even like the crazy that oozes out of me!

I am not putting up with much lately... no nonsense.

The hormones have definitely given me confidence to say what I think!

My face has more acne than when I was 14,

and the heartburn sets me on fire every night -

but this pregnany has been easy compared to most stories I hear.

 

...and I love talking to and thinking about this baby.
What a blessing.

 

 

Weeks along: 19 weeks

 

Weight gain: 5 pounds

 

Fruit baby: Mango

Current nicknames: Junebug, Madge, Bountiful, Thankful

 

Cravings: Anything that will result in heartburn.

 

Random: I am not sure if I have felt the baby. I keep feeling some movement here and there - not regularly - and I always talk myself out of it... I think it will be more regular and recognizable soon. I can't wait. Sleeping is getting more uncomfortable, and my dreams are starting to include baby themes. The other night I "had the baby" and instead of staying with my little one, I left it at my parent's house (before finding out if it was a boy or girl) and ran to the store to start buying supplies. I guess I need to start preparing! My subconscious is concerned.

junebug.

Well, there is a reason I haven't been blogging much!

The biggest thing in my life was a secret...

Baby Badgett coming June 2014!

 

 

This one already has a ton of nicknames...

Junebug, Madge, Thankful...