shit storm

I had my six week appointment this week. I didn't think about the fact that I would be taking Ben until days before. I was a little worried about having him there alone, but I assumed this was a normal thing.

When we got there, he was asleep like a little angel. The nurse took my stats and then told me to put the gown on, sit on the table with the blanket over me, blah blah... he starts fussing just as she left the room. I hear a little toot and decide I will go ahead and change him before the doctor comes in.

Right as I pull him out of his carrier, I hear a much louder one and at the same time feel the wet begin to run down both arms!! I look down and he has had a major blow out!! Through his clothes, on the exam table, covering the sheet... I am standing there with the open-back gown dancing around the room half naked trying to get it all cleaned up as quickly as possible! Ugh. When the doctor came in, I told her what happened and that we needed new linens for the exam table. She also handed me a new gown. I told her I didn't need one, and she says, "oh yes you do!" I looked down, and I am covered in poop!

I thought that would be the end of it, but he really never stopped crying and fussing. I stood there, bouncing him, through most of the appointment. Then, when it came time to have my "exam," he wouldn't calm down... so, he laid on my chest. I can't wait to tell him that he joined me for that... haha.

The biggest lesson I have learned so far is that I can't really expect things to go as planned, and I have to give up some control and relax. It's a good lesson for me.

Oh, and on a not so funny note... I have a hernia that will need to be removed after my body recovers fully. Boo. For months I loved feeling this one spot on my tummy that you could always feel his head or butt, I wasn't sure what, but I could always feel my baby pushing out... WELL, when I got home I realized it was still there... haha. I have known for weeks that it was probably a hernia, but I was bummed to have it confirmed.

my worst fear - squirrelpocalypse

This pretty much happened to me as a child after a picnic at Riverside Park.

 

the legend of mr. carrots

A couple weeks ago, I was outside enjoying the nice evening when I heard an incessant squeaking... I thought the dogs had found a rare tennis ball in the backyard that still had its squeak. Good for them. Except, I looked over and it was not a ball. It was something alive - something smaller than my hand - something so newborn that I couldn't figure out what it was. The dogs were told to get inside NOW, John was pulled outside to figure out what it was, and after a few googles and phone calls, we figured out it was a squirrel and drove it to the wildlife emergency vet.

If you know me, this is already hilarious. I hate squirrels. I hate them so much that people in my life love to send me emails with flowerly subject lines that distract me - then I open to find evil squirrel pictures. The rabid squirrel story from my childhood does little to find me empathy - usually a good laugh. So, obviously, I was thinking this would increase my favor with all squirrel kind. Surely they would hear of my valiant life-saving efforts and leave me alone, for good.

When we got home, we were feeling relieved... we let the dogs out to roam freely... and were really surprised when the dogs led us to THREE more babies! A quick Google told us to put them in a shoe box, and put them up in a tree so that their squirrel mama would come find them. Obviously they had fallen out of their nest. (it was all quite stressful)

The next day John was called by the wildlife place to say that our poor little squirrel we took in didn't make it through the night... and that it was not a squirrel. It was a bunny. (AHHHHHH!) We HAD to get those poor bunnies out of the treeeeeeeeee! Our trusty neighbor, Nate, went to go get them out of the tree since he'll do any of the ridiculous favors we ask we were both at work. When I got home, I found a hole in the ground and covered them with grass (thanks again, google). Basically, we had to wait and hope the mama came back to them.

Since that night, we have been checking on our bunny babies every night, and we are happy to see the mama rabbits out protecting them around dusk. They even started looking like cute bunnies last week, and two have left the hole now.

One stayed. We like to call him Mr. Carrots. He comes to see us whenever we go outside, and John pretty much thinks Mr. Carrots is his baby. Truth is - we get excited each night that he sticks around. He is so cute. So, the legend won't be about me saving squirrels, it will be about the time john adopted a bunny...

What's the punch line? I saw a new hole dug in our yard on Tuesday, covered with dead grass and dog hair... and we are pretty sure some new babies were dropped in there.

true story: endless impossibilities

I have a nose ring.

My mom took me to get it over Mom's weekend during college.

It hurt really bad, but I was one of the first of my friends to have one.

Within two years, pretty much everyone got one.

Or an eyebrow ring.

I am glad I went with the nose ring, since my sister's eyebrow is pretty jacked-up.

Anyway, when I started working here the personnel manual said no facial piercings,
so I decided to keep it until someone said something.
No one ever did.
So, I have loved it for almost a decade..

Yesterday, my co-worker asked me when I got my nose ring.

I said, ten years ago.

He asked me if I wear it much.

I said, every day. For ten years.

I laughed and tried to make him feel less uncomfortable...

... 'til he said that he might have always thought it was a whitehead.

Yep.

True story.

 

 

healthy and happy

Pseudotumor cerebri: (SOO-doh-too-mur SER-uh-bry) occurs when the pressure inside your skull (intracranial pressure) increases for no obvious reason. Symptoms mimic those of a brain tumor, but no tumor is present. Pseudotumor cerebri can occur in children and adults, but it's most common in obese women of childbearing age. The increased intracranial pressure associated with pseudotumor cerebri can cause swelling of the optic nerve and many have pulsatile tinnitus, a whooshing sensation in one or both ears. It is often reversible.

And, reversible it is!! Yesterday I received a clean bill of health from my neurologist. Thanks to everyone who followed my weight loss and health journey over the last ten weeks. Doc says my optic nerve looks sharp and there is no longer any signs of intracranial pressure. (My daily headaches and "whooshing ears" have also stopped.)

The last ten weeks have been very challenging, but writing here kept me accountable and made me feel a sense of community. To all those who supported me throughtout this - thank you. (Especially anyone who had to eat with me in the last 10 weeks!)

My instructions are to keep the weight off and get my eyes checked once a year.

week four: you can call it a syndrome

My Nuero Opthamologist called me plump.
My NEW doctor, that I had never met, called me plump.

He called me plump in front of four medical students.

Three attractive young men about my age, and one sweet, young Indian woman.

She cupped my face romantically when she looked into my eyes.

(I thought she was going to run her fingers through my hair next.)
They all wanted to look into my eyes.

There was something cool to see, but I don't know what it was.
When they told me my possible diagnosis, I thought they said Super Tumor Celebrity.

I knew celebrity was wrong, so when I told my mom I said blah blah blah.

Actually, I said "I have super tumor blah blah blah."

My eyes were too dialated to see what the name was on my piece of paper.
(They were probably too dialated to be driving too.)

It is actually not a super tumor.

(thank God.)

It's Pseudotumor Cerebri.

I wish I had heard that one right.

BIG difference between a SUPER and a PSEUDO tumor.

One is a tumor, and one thinks its funny to pretend to be a tumor.

Oh yeah - back to being fat.

So, the definition of Pseudotumor Cerebri says you should be a young, fat woman.

I am not sure why losing weight can get rid of this disease, but my doc thinks it can.

Yeah, I said disease.

I asked him, "Whoa! I have a disease?"

He responds, "You can call it a syndrome if you like."

Today I am not plump. I am down 6.2 pounds.
And this weekend, Jared told me I had 21 year old hips.
 (...when I was showing him my hot Gangnam Style moves.)

 

God is Faithful

I am a super hero. You should look at me with great reverence, for I am a bad ass. I might be an emotional wreck, I might be losing my damn mind, I might be ultra-sensitive, and I might be running my mouth straight into a deep hole with each conversation I have... but, I am the champion. Well, at least for three days - for three days I have have been the definition of will power.

I have written about addiction for many years, because it is close to home. What's strange about it, is that I have an understanding of it myself. No, I don't use illicit drugs and I am not an alcoholic, but I have my own vices. One in particular that I unabashedly love. I understand the deep pull that certain things can have on you - deep into your soul - attached to all that you are - however unexplainable. And, even if it is wrong, we all have things we need to let go of that we don't want to. If you know me in real life, you probably know what I am talking about. Please let me be ambiguous about this.

After the doctor visit last week, I decided if I was going to be in calorie counting hell, I might as well change my whole life for the healthier.

Probably you should just avoid me like the plague this week. Last night a text rolled in that was like "are you going crazy yet?" - I almost cut a b*tch. I really wanted to eat-my-feelings last night after that one... not to mention a related comment from said texter's spouse over the weekend... but, I digress. Not everyone thinks about the weight of their words, and I am surely guilty of that too.

Remember that one time I was asked to get off a plane because I was a fatty? Not in 10 weeks.When I roll into my doctor's office, I will be an inspirational, rock star. Oprah and I are already have the whole ENFJ thing in common, but now she'll have to get me my own show on her network.

No temptation has overtaken you that is unusual for human beings. But God is faithful, and he will not allow you to be tempted beyond your strength. Instead, along with the temptation he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to endure it.

1 Corinthians 10:13

lose yourself

Did my doctor just tell me to lose 20 pounds by October 18?

Heck yes, he did.

Ten weeks to lose 20 pounds.

I have a feeling I just found something to blog about.

not a new years resolution.

This year I will find joy in the simple things.
I will take one day at a time, and not take it for granted.
I will find the happy - wherever I can.
I will tell people I love them...
but, NOT because it's January. Because I must.

You are a child of the universe,

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

elevators, powerlines and trees - oh my!

What a day it was yesterday. First we go to our final meeting & menu tasting at the Aladdin and get stuck in an elevator for 25 minutes... John was shaking, the event coordinator was sitting on the floor with her knees to her chest, and the chef was playing on his iphone, and I stood nervously laughing in the corner! It was a bonding moment, and it will surely make working with them even more fun now that we have this great story. The best part was that when they finally got us out, it was like the movies... we were between floors and had to crouch down and jump!

THEN, we watched our neighborhood fall apart when the storm rolled through later in the evening. I thought the whole city must be sitting in wreckage this morning... only to find out from the news that our exact location got it the worst. If you go to KMBC.com, all the pictures are from 63rd and Roe - I live at 63rd and Roe - ha!

It was pretty thrilling though... transformer throwing fire in the street, trees breaking before our eyes, running around with flashlights. The carnage left behind last night was amazing. I had never seen anything like it. Pretty much everyone on my block had a tree on their car, or a tree on their house.

We were thankful to find no serious damage to our home or cars... only the power line laying in the street next to our driveway. I wish this picture was better - you can see the road blocks next to our driveway... but, you can't see the power line laying in the street and across our backyard. Have you ever seen a bulldozer come down your street? Well, now I have. Now, we just wait on KCP&L and pray for electricty.

stuck.

Boo. What a morning. I looked out my window and saw more snow than I wanted, but I also saw clear streets. Phew - I did actually want to come to work. Being out with the flu last week put me behind... so, to work I went.

Unfortunately (and strangely), MY street was the clearest damn thing I saw the entire drive (should've been the worst of it!). I think I-35 was really clear and clean too, but the traffic was only going 10 mph.

Then - downtown. Blast downtown!!! What is wrong with this city?!?! The entire downtown was packed, solid ice. It was an ice rink, and there was no turning back, I guess! Then I got stuck. (Eek!) I suppose I overcame a fear today... I always wondered what those poor people who get stuck do. And, I guess the answer is nothing! I couldn't move forward, I couldn't back up (because of the traffic behind me), and everyone scowled at me. I was really baffled. I seriously had no idea what to do. So, I would spin my tires for the crankiest drivers passing me, to show them I couldn't do it. But, I just sat. It was so weird and I felt terribly helpless.

I did call 911... I have since considered that this was probably silly. But, it seemed like we were never going to move unless someone came and pushed us or helped us get some room to turn around. They never came, but a nice gentleman did, and he recruited a couple people to help. They stopped traffic behind us and talked us each through turning around.

After probably 25 minutes of awkward, I made my way down a different, icy path, and we all miraculously made it to the office (all of us who tried).

Mr. Grumbles is sick of hearing our commute horror stories, but it was truly a mess and we were all truly surprised to have made it.

influenza

Wow. February has almost come and gone... and the most notable thing that has happened to me is that I had the flu last week. And have the flu, I did... for days... for many, horrible days. I now know that I am not invinsible. I will get a flu shot every year from now on.

If you are like me and have not had the flu since childhood... get the shot. You do NOT want reminding. It is worse when you do not have a mommy taking care of you - when you are a big 'ol, wimpy grown woman.

I was even surprised when my doctor reported that I had the flu! I thought you had to be throwing up or something... and she told me that there is NO stomach flut - It's a stomach bug, and "stomach flu" is slang and actually less common, but that many people call any sickness including stomach issues the flu. She said that what I was experiencing (cough, aches, fever), was the most common.

weight and balance

My mom and I flew "stand-by" to Salt Lake City for my second cousin's wedding this weekend. This is a cheaper way to fly; however, it means you only get on the flight if there are open seats. We left my parent's house at 4 am on Thursday morning... and luckily were given seats on a flight to Dallas very early. Once we got to Dallas, my dad realized the flights were very full all day to Salt Lake -- it looked like one, if either of us, was going to make it. After all of the planning and little sleep, this was a sad moment. I wasn't prepared when they told us we were the last two on the list and only one of us could board the plane. I sent my mom down the jetway and instantly started tearing up... meanwhile, the lady at the desk seemed pleased with her power. She followed my mom and shut the door.

While I was taking in what just had happened... a man appeared at the deak and asked if I really wanted on the flight and I said "Yes!" So, he said "Okay girl, run! You are in seat 27E!" So, down the jetway I ran... full of joy that we were both going to make it! My mom was very excited to see me on the plane and I was happily taking my middle seat at the back of the plane when a voice over the intercom says, "Passenger in 27E, grab your bags and report to the front of the plane." Over and OVER and OVER they said it until I made it to the front. Stink-face, power-lover lady was staring me down and asks me who let me on and tells me to leave the plane because there is no more room. I tell her I was given a seat, and that I was JUST IN IT... that there was IN FACT room on the plane, and drum roll... she says, "Ma'am, this is a weight issue." (*yes, you read that right* - a WEIGHT issue.) I immediately look down at myself, stunned that I could really be the difference between making it to SLC and not making it... and then the tears start again. I was mortified that I was crying infront of this crazy woman again, but I had had NO SLEEP and really wanted my vacation.

Right then, a nice stewardess got the pilot's attention and told him what was going on. He tried to get the woman to let me stay, but she kept saying sciene was science, that weight and balance was regulated, and the plane was too full. Finally, she told me to "get moving." So, down the jetway I go again... (now crying in an even more ridiculous and embarassing manner).

As I am rounding the corner, the pilot yells down for me to come back He told me to stay put and wait while he made a call. After his call, I got the a-okay to take my seat! Then, he winked, and told me, "Don't tell the other passengers, but the flight will be a little longer today so we burn less fuel."

Typing the story up now, it sounds kinda silly.... but, this was much more dramatic in person. And, believe me, if you heard it in person, I could make you pee laughing.

As we took off, he announced that due to "current conditions" the flight would be 15 minutes longer. And as we lifted into the sky, I held my breath and sucked in my tummy, knowing whose fault it would be if something went wrong.

crime.scene.investigator.

Tonight turned out to be quite eventful! John and I were sitting on our front porch tonight when we heard a loud noise... we both looked up, but saw nothing. Moments later, we heard a car moving loudly down the street - looking more closely, we noticed the car was dragging something that was sparking more and more as it drove down the block.

John decides it is their muffler dragging, but I kept telling him that anyone would hear that and would stop. The car makes a turn and then the sound starts getting louder again as they were clearly driving down the street parallel to ours, in our direction. Then, there is a loud bang and it is clear the car has stopped... this is when it gets good. A bunch of neighbors come out of their houses and it turns out a girl's car a couple doors down has been hit badly - we know this because she goes out to check her car for damage and screams "my tires!!!" at the top of her lungs.

Well, now we are interested. So, we put Raleigh on her leash and walk to Brandon's house to see what he and Nate saw/heard... and to see if we should walk over and investigate :)

A cop pulls up as we are chatting on their driveway and I tell him that I believe the car that fled the scene should be directly behind Brandon's house.

We decided we shouldn't leave it up to the cops to figure out this crime... so we began our hunt.... following the marks the car left on the street as it fled. Nate stuck his finger in the fluid left on the street, tasted it, and decided it was brake fluid. We dubbed Raleigh "McGruff the Crime Dog" and followed the trail to a bunch of cops and a very badly damaged mini van parked in the driveway of the house that backs up to Brandon's house - I am a genius! The cops should have stopped and given me a medal of honor or something! Fairway Citizen of the Year!

It was not her muffler. She hit the car on our block, busted her front tire and drove on the rims all the way home.... leaving a white mark on the road from the car she hit straight to her driveway. Brilliant lady. Brandon wished she had run from the cops, noting that the Fairway police probably need some excitement in their lives, but it appeared she was cooperating during her sobriety test.

Best quote of the night - "I hope you have my back if I take a stray bullet." (brandon)

The one night my brother-in-law is not answering dispatch...

lessons from facebook.

I try hard not to be too opinionated or political on Facebook. I have quite the variety of "friends" on there - real friends, old classmates, my parents' friends, colleagues, work contacts, etc. I have levels of privacy, but all can my status.

Last week I posted a link to a video of Obama joining the "It Gets Better" project, speaking up against gay bullying. I knew this bordered the line of what I do and don't want to share... but, my rationale was, who is against ending bullying? So, I posted the link. Minutes later, my friend Zach, who clearly did not click on the link or watch the video, put up some serious Obama-hating thoughts. I quickly deleted his comments, because I was not trying to stir up any political conversations.

Hours later... my co-worker gets a text telling her to tell me to go diffuse an argument on my Facebook wall. Turns out the Obama-hatin' was seen by one of my facebook pals and he must have been typing up his defense before I deleted it... and then the ridiculous comments began...

Amuse yourself - go look at my facebook wall. I can't delete it - it's too funny.... and my friend Zach told me later that he learned a great lesson. Always click before you comment.

busy week

It is September 8th and not only am I in disbelief that it is September, but I have yet to blog this month.... time is flying and so much is happening! Last week I hosted book club and it was so much fun. I made something new, a Shrimp Ceviche, and I was quite proud. I will share the recipe soon enough...

Over the holiday weekend, I went with friends to a local winery and got to sit outside and enjoy a beautiful September day.

My fabulous cousin Sarah had a baby girl on Saturday - Neva Mae is the third girl our family has welcomed this year! Look out world!

Sarah's sister left town late Friday and was able to be there in time to welcome sweet Neva. So, I have been watching Mandy's fur-kiddos since. Tomorrow I am headed out to my cousin Jenny's house to hang with her four awesome kids for a couple days! So, tonight I clean the house and pack - Who hoo!

Busy busy... but good!

A breath of fresh air

My work trip to CA last week was a breath of fresh air - a much needed week "away from it all."

After a week in CA smelling fresh cut grass, soaking up some sun and seeing new and exciting places, I feel revived after our cold, cold winter.

And, what a blessing! I was greeted by beautiful weather  when I returned to Kansas City. What else could a girl want?

On the Golden Gate bridge.

Hi, my name is Paige.

I have a reminder set on my Outlook calendar at work to check the Kstate basketball schedule for the week each Monday. Considering it is Monday and I did not work today, I was unaware that we were playing tonight. While out to eat tonight, Lisa texted that it was a close game so I was anxious to get home and watch some Wildcat BBall. Honestly, I was unaware of who we were playing, but I told John he could play some video games and I would read my new People mag and watch the game in my room... sounds great, right?

"John, where are the ESPN channels?"

"Somewhere in the 30s.."

So, I turn to channel 30 and sure enough, there are my K-State wildcats. But, sadly they were losing pretty badly to the UMKC Kangaroos... I think to myself, "this isn't a close game, a lot must have changed since Lisa texted..." So, I go on reading my People and every couple minutes or so I look up to see the score getting worse and worse. Because we are losing so badly, I pay very little attention. We lose 96-56. Wow, we aren't gonna be ranked anymore... weird. Why are we playing the Roos? Weird.

Before bed tonight, I was watching the sports news and see that K-State had a great victory against Texas. WHAT? What the heck game was I watching? What planet was I on? Haha... So, I checked the guide to see what channel 30 was... Metro Sports. I go online and look up their tv listings for the day, and I had been watching "Metro Retro," a UMKC/KSU game from 2003. This is why I need digital cable in my bedroom.

Hi, my name is Paige, and I am an idiot.

As I lay in bed now, Metro Sports is delightfully replaying tonight's real game. Go cats!

**UPDATE** I stayed up and watched the entire game. And yes, I did realize it was not just a game, it was THE game. Wow. Love me some wildcats. Fear the beard.

Going up?

I hate driving to places I have never been downtown. I get anxious about finding it, legally parking, and especially in the snow today - will the sidewalks be cleared?

So, I venture out on an errand for my boss today. Deliver a package. Simple enough, right? While driving there, with my valued GPS, I wondered if the snow plows allowed any street parking in front of my destination... would I find the front entrance with this sun in my eyes?

As I am approaching, I see a HUGE warehouse/building with the title of the business on the rooftop in letters taller than me, assuring me I am going the right direction. And, out front, visitors parking... and cleared sidewalks! aaah, I am in the clear. I don't mind running an errand that goes this smooth!

As I approach the old building, I realize the title of the business is etched into the stone above the entry way... how many businesses downtown are original to their building? Very few. Intriguing...

I take some stairs up to a lobby with a bunch of closed doors. I check each door - locked. Each one. I am confused, so I try each one again. Fail. Then, I see the elevator in front of me... but no signs directing you to which floor to choose to reach the offices. Weird.

Well, I press the button next to the elevator and as I wait I game plan: "Okay I am gonna stick my head in the elevator, and if I don't see a sign designating what is located on each floor, I am stepping out. Do not put your entire body in the elevator. No creepy, abandoned warehouse elevator rides for me... I must have come in the wrong entrace."

As I am contemplating all of my options, the door opens... a man inside says "going up?" I tell him who I am delivering a package to and he says "come on in, right up stairs." I board the elevator and realize, no, this not a good samaritan but an ELEVATOR OPERATOR! He turns the crank to move the elevator and pulls back on the lever as he sees we are approaching the correct floor, slowing the elevator down.

I deliver my package and he returns me to the first floor. As I am walking to my car, my head is filled with questions... What the heck kinda company needs an elevator operator? Is it for show? necessity? security? Does he just stand in there all day? How can I get a job where you sit all day waiting for a single passenger?

As I sat in my car, I was confused. When I got home, I was confused. As I write this, I am confused.

I am so thankful for the weird things in life.